A Shitty Subject Revisited – Dog Poop in France

Dog Shit in France … A pooey problem that just won’t go away

Alas, the story of dog poop in France is one that gets worse, not better … and doesn’t seem to have a pretty ending. More of a poopy one. 

Since writing “MERDE! The Shitty Truth About Dog Poop“ in France four years ago, I have spent most of that time in Australia, hoping things would improve. Of course, that is not why I hid out in OZ all that time – safely out of French dog poop territory distance. But it’s a pretty darn good one. Particularly given the shitty state of play that has ‘greeted’ me, for want of a better term, on my return.

Far from improvements in merd-ville, Paris, I see only decay … At least, in my suburban neck of the woods. It’s actually quite green and lovely. But the locals seem to feel the need to obliterate all that loveliness with their dog shit. Things have definitely taken a nose-dive. On the lovely little sentier (laneway) that leads me towards the station, there is a rural feel. A grassy, breezy, tree-lined stretch hemmed in by some charming stone houses.

Another Day Down Poop Pathway

But mon dieu! It looks like someone has been tacking their horse out to poop daily, not a dog. And the piles of poop keep accumulating every day, to the point that it is getting unbearable. And I have rechristened the thoroughfare “Sentier des Crottes” … Shitty sentier or poopy pathway, basically.

In a bit of a tongue twister, the newspaper Libération talked of Paris and its trottoirs indécrottables – incorrigible sidewalks – in 2001. A clever play on the word crotte for a dog shit, also on show in the term “crottoirs”!

But the problem is so incorrigible it has endured for my three decades in France and, as I say, seems to be descending to new depths of doggy-do-depravity in my area.

Where are the fines? (Did officials get scared by all the swearing and threats by incorrigible dog owners and give up?) Where are the DNA tests for dogs – and why not their owners, too?

I am disheartened … terribly … at the extent of the doggy defecations. It’s downright disgusting. So is the level of indifference to others implied in the mountains of poop left not only in one’s face, but that people have to negotiate. Pile after pile of poop, old and new, fresh and desiccated. Soon, there will be more poop than grass.

Why Count on Civility When There’s the Robot-Crotte

The problem is, bar a few exemplary towns, French-wide. A year ago, one guy suggested the return of a poop-collecting machine, the motocrotte!

These apparently once scoured the streets of Paris, cleaning up the mess that people don’t seem capable of doing after their pets. And the lack of responsibility – and any hope of the French getting any – is deeply ingrained. To the extent that someone who declares themselves in the post “totally fed up” suggests a shit-sweeper be revived rather than expect people to step up.

Around 2018, a fleeting romance by then Paris mayor, Anne Hidalgo, with the robot-crotte – a robotic pooper-scooper – seems to have been just that.

At the time, the social responsibility and eco-leaning French media outlet consoGlobe claimed that Paris’s some 300,000 dog owners left 20 tons of dog droppings on the capital’s sidewalks each year. Of course, not all of the shit-snubbing-owners are “unscrupulous”, as Le Monde put it. But many are.

Bring on the Poop-Busting Drone

Another scheme, the poop-buster, was foreseen as “the ultimate weapon against the feces on the streets of the capital”, Le Monde declared. Until, that is, the dog-poop tracking drone – relying on a French tech company’s PoopleMaps app – honed in on a Chihuahua puppy it mistook for a dog poop. Ah, if only all dog poops were so cute.

There were other hiccups. “For example, a citizen who made the mistake of wearing a dress that was too colorful was mistaken for a flowerbed … ” reports Le Monde. The drone, which had just gathered up a whole load of pigeon shit, instead of dog shit, bombarded here with it big-time.

Others met a similar fate with “smelly projectiles”, collected by an errant poop-buster. Another potential poop busting method down the dunny hole of Paris dog poop history.

Dog Shit in France: Anti-Poop Protesters Drowned Out By The Uncivil Mob

Across France, it seems, people are up in arms about the mounting problem of “avalanches of dog shit”. Right near the school canteen, in this case. (Owners aren’t choosy where they put their incivility on show.)

There’s a proliferation of “trottoir pas crottoir” signs graffiti’d on sidewalks and brandished in other local protests. Plus, there are more and more official signs, threatening owners with fines. But the threats from local councils don’t seem to have any oomph, or crotty clout.

Some councils have started to make poop bags more available in park areas – again, not mine.

The featured image on this post is that of a cute clean-up after your dog awareness campaign by the Ville de Clamart in southwestern Paris.

For the beautiful city of Bordeaux, the whole dog DNA idea became “too expensive, too complicated” way back.

Others, like the City of Reims in Champagne, are pushing the DNA bill further and cracking down on crottes … And on enforcing leashes for all dogs in public.

“The most basic hygiene rule requires picking up after your pet, as a dog produces an average of 2 tons of waste per year,” it says. For the city’s 20,000 dogs (and their owners), the town has set up free waste bag dispensers at pet stores and in public spaces.

“Dog waste bins are found in various locations throughout the municipality, with some being cleaned weekly or daily. ‘Dog-clean’ signs are also posted on the sidewalks to encourage dog owners to direct their pets to the gutters.”

It’s a big shit-free step in the right direction!

The Champagne capital also casts a humorous eye on the unpalatable and chronic problem in the campaign image below. Nonetheless, it frames the dog, not the owner, as the culprit, as is often the case. Perhaps with a bit of irony implied.

Dejected Over Doggy doo’s

I feel powerless against all this poop … It’s one of the most challenging things about my life in France, without a doubt. At times, it makes it hard to love the French. But I know it’s just a shitty slice of the population. There are so many gorgeous things about this country. Travels, pastries and perfumes, for a start.

No doubt, it seems like I am on a crotte-crusade … I am far from alone.

But I have a plan. I want to show my outrage – and bring attention to the culprits in a colorful way. One that I will share with you soon. MERD!